The story behind the album

Wouldn't it be an interesting experience to go back into the past? Go there and make a desired, retrospective journey? I think it would, so I went on such a trip to find the story - a long, knotty story behind making the album that I am about to give to you. Like most of the stories, this one starts at...

The very beginning...

During the autumn I had a lot of free time. Time to think, look back and summarize the past as well as to decide which direction to take next. It was in October, when I moved out again to live in solitude. Alone with music and film again - my kind of solitude - a conscious and appreciated state of being, a lifestyle that defines me. Once again, I realized how much of free time I have, so I decided: "This is the right time". I didn't really have an exact clue or idea of the direction of the album I was about to create, but I started working hard anyway.
I did a lot just in the first week. Then I took a little break and after a while came back to compose more. It was a very fruitful period and I was able to create a lot in relatively short time. I finished the core of the material within one month. After a repetitive period of development and corrections, the process came to its final.
I had the album completed - 7 tracks ready and set to be sent to the record label. 7 tracks with one story to be told. Everything was going as desired: the album-teaser performance ending with appraisal of attendees, positive feedback from the fellow creators and in the end - a good, hopefull feeling about it.
So the material went straight to the record label. And that was the end of the uphill part...

Disappointment.

Because of the response of course, yes. Oh, they know perfectly how to destroy hope using kind words.
They would say "we liked it on a first listen but..." but then put a demand on vocals, on something that would make it to-be-sold easly... And that was it! I was angry. Disappointed of lack of understanding. Disappointed of ignorance. Disappointed because of rejection. I could not understand. What I've just sent them was an extensive piece of deep and sensitive music, something a man cannot just ignore and say something like "Hey! Put on some vocals boy!". So I tried to explain that the idea that has arisen around this album is to be without words, fully instrumental, while intelligent and illustrative.
A bottle of scotch, not a beer.
What I received in return was nothing but another short, rejecting answer. That was a painful lesson for me. A lesson about a big record company - unhumane entity, that doesn't care about your ideas, visions. Entity that just doesn't appreciate them, that won't discuss them with you. It won't even try to, because of the focus on only one kind of a "product" - something to be sold easily, quick and catchy. Easy to acquire kind of "product" - not music really, not beauty, not art anyway. Before I sent it there, I really thought that it was the right place, that it could be done. That this specific, long-term work, something very personal and important, could be released by someone else than me. Shown to the world by them - not myself. As you can imagine I was broken.
Months of work, months of not only of composing, but development, improving, designing, planning - hope - all gone. Gone just like this.

All for nothing.

I was destroyed. It was very difficult, though I kept trying to find some other way. Some other way of dealing with this, rather than being frustrated and depressed. Who knows? Maybe sometimes we need a disaster like this one. Why? Perhaps to come up with something new, go somewhere else than we'd go in case of succeding? By that dark time, by accident or not, I started listening to Tangerine Dream. And that specific event turned out to be a surprising, turning point of my life.
You see, I discovered this intelligent music, deep and mysterious. This special kind of music I haven't really known before, but somehow could feel its presence. The music which enables the imagination to come up with beautiful creations, music which enables you to go back into the past, experience the very distant yet treasured memories. Memories unclear but still colorful. That music - free of time conventions, yet full of intellect - that was something I was looking for, but I couldn't name it. "Berlin School" they say. I wanted and needed more of this kind of education. So I took my time. I went for a long, retrospective journey in order to find more and more of these forgotten, distinguished forms of musical art. I took my time to understand this pioneer concept, free of obviousity, full of secrets. It was a unbelievable time. I spent hours, days, nights with it.
My personal discovery.

Discovering secrets.

I realized that these "Berlin" compositions were so illustrative themselves, that in fact they were more than just a "sound". I knew that they would correspond perfectly with proper images. Images showing the majesty of the universe as well as the unique values of life, the mystery surrounding it. In this form: image and sound would be bond together like nothing else out there. Blended together strong, into one body. One body which gives a coherent experience, one of a kind. Right then, with all these ideas in my mind, I started composing a score. A long, 20 minute score, which turned out to be more special than I would think by then. "Voyage"! That was a reflection of this idea. The idea of intelligent and illustrative sound put together with majestic image. You see, sometimes, when I work on a very specific track - there is no sense of time, in fact there are no obstacles. Instead, there is continuosity, hypnosis, a detachment from reality.
A bliss...
That exact state was driving me while working on "Voyage". These moments, very rare, they happen once in a few months or maybe not even so often. These are the very special points in time, when all the experiences and inspirations you collected come out. All the sadness, void as well as thankfulness and life-affirmation break out of your mind. Break out and speak. Whisper to you in notes, repetitive sound-forms. These "messages" let you know about the ideas, theories hidden deep in your mind, from where they don't tend to come out very often. These "messages", they make you understand for a very, very short while. Maybe a few minutes, maybe a couple of seconds.  They provide a true insight into all of these feelings that are coming out of you, the meaning of them. Within that state - understanding of your inner-self - you don't feel emotions at the moment, you see them from a different point of view. You understand them, yet you are beyond them.
Beyond all, except one - gratitude.
Yes, you are thankful, because now you understand.
For such moments, life is worth all the loneliness, nightmares and pain.

The new beginning.

One of these moments right there with "Voyage" - that was the actual beginning. The beginning of creating something new. Something not rushed, something absouletely free - something coming out straight from the inside. It was in January, a month which finally brought some hope and a new perspective. Onwards from there, I had a few more of "these" and I reflected them in the further compositions.
At the final, I was very happy to realize that the outcome of this work is something that I truly enjoy and want to share with the world. Share with the others in form of a complete, full work.
The album - my own secret yet to be discovered, my first big step. The step taken on my own feet, my own feet alone.  By that time, I came to meet very inspiring people, people I have never met before, see new places, places I have never seen before. But I had to decide what was needed to be done: where and when - all the details. I chose to come back to continue the journey I started with my private label some time ago. The journey in which - I go where I really want to go.  Then I came up with a one specific day. A special day - 2nd May. The day when I took my first small step, published my first work - exactly 2 years ago, right there. A promising day of spring, full of hope and warmness.
"A small jubilee, a summary" - I thought. And I felt good with all of it together, with every detail included.

A box.

I felt pleased and again - thankful. Thankful for all of this - this chain of events that led me to this point, this moment. A current point, when I look back and I'm glad, beyond any doubts, glad that I had a chance to experience all of them: time, places, people. That I was where I was.
Now I realize, that this - the album - is not only the music really.
This is a box of memories, a box of the past I constantly come back to.
The images I keep looking at.

Maybe you will find your own images somewhere inside this box?